Maybe by the time you read this, we'll all realize that Apple was actually a cover for some Commie bastards and we were being tracked and followed the whole time. Or, more frighteningly, Apple was a cover for some Capitalist assholes and they just wanted to watch us spend our money over and over on shit that kept us all in line (this... is actually kind of scary).
WHATEVER.
What I'm here to say, kids, is that I've lost my phone. But I kind of haven't.
A few months ago, I lost my phone in the way that I couldn't find it for real. It happened to be hiding right between my bed and my wall on the floor.
As I freaked out about my phone's whereabouts, a simple (and most awful) trick was played on me.
I sat in the office flipping out and miraculously Radam pulled my phone out and said, "It's right here."
It wasn't my phone. It was his phone. We have the same phone. He chuckled. I cursed the heavens. But... he did tell me about the app that I was supposed to have. The one that would track your phone and tell you where it was.
Okay, I get it, guys, big brother is watching. Ummmmm, okay! Big brother can tell me where my frickin' phone is, if he's gonna be all up in my shit.
I signed up for big brother. I tested it out in the safety of my own apartment. Yes, it would actually play that noise for two minutes. Yes, it would actually displays texts to whomever had it. Cool.
Useless. Until today. Today I am watching my phone as it travels across the city.
This is karma. I have done something wrong.
It is now 5 in the morning and my phone is two blocks away from my house.
Thanks to Dave Ryan, I have the cabbie's number and he said to call him tomorrow. But really, dude? You're TWO BLOCKS AWAY!!!!
May I please have it? Now? Not tomorrow? Too much to ask? Okay. I'm gonna have to pay a fortune to get this shit back? Okay.
So sad.
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